


make believe

by MrGrumpyGills43



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gay Yosuke, Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Trans Male Character, Trans Yosuke, Transphobic Character, also regarding shadow yosuke: guess who's back, i guess emotional abusive mother?, just is mentioned, she doesnt have any lines, so its uh, yosuke's mom is responsible for all the internalized shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 03:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12644889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrGrumpyGills43/pseuds/MrGrumpyGills43
Summary: Around the pair stood the school festival’s crossdressing event. Yosuke felt his stomach lurch with the unwelcome dysphoria the act had caused. His shadow, on the other hand, seemed all too happy with the scene set up for them. “Isn’t it wonderful to finally show everyone the truth? It felt so right to be trouncing around in a skirt again. After all, you can’t be a boy and like boys at the same time, right?” The shadow skipped around its human counterpart before leaning down. “You have a choice: one or the other. You can’t be a boy and want to hold hands with a boy. You can’t be a boy and want tokissa boy.”





	make believe

_ The shadow was a cruel mockery of the boy it was supposed to be. Dressed in a girl’s uniform and sporting long hair pulled into a ponytail, Yosuke’s shadow portrayed a gross depiction of the boy. It’s yellow eyes glinted with malice as a wailing Yosuke lay beneath it.  _

_ “You’re not me!” _

\--

Yosuke was eleven when he came out as a trans boy to his parents. His dad took it well, wanting a boy in the first place. His mom had crumpled the grocery list in her hand, but complied to help her son transition. 

Yosuke was thirteen when he was told that he could only be straight and liking boys meant he was still a girl. He had been caught kissing a friend of his; the two boys were curious and wanted to experiment some. His mother banned the friend from coming near Yosuke ever again. 

Yosuke was fifteen when he got a fresh start in Yasoinaba. His dad was manager of the Junes in town and no one had a clue who he was pre-transitioning. No one knew who Yosuke once was, only who he  _ really _ was. The slew of whispers and rumors about the Hanamura family did little to change his attitude. 

Yosuke was sixteen when Narukami Yu moved to town and changed his perspective on everything. 

\--

“You didn’t come here to save Saki-senpai. You were just looking for something fun to do! How pathetic.” Yosuke’s shadow taunted him, insidiously pulling at the secrets he had kept for so long. 

“No, that’s not true. You’re not me!” Yosuke screamed back, his chest hollow. He didn’t see his shadow change but _felt_ it instead. He didn’t just grab Yu’s outreached hand when it was all said and done, he _depended_ on it to lift him up. 

The lurch in Yosuke’s gut as he held onto Yu’s hand was a warning. It was a sign to not get too close to the pretty transfer student. It left Yosuke wary and even more walled-up than before. 

\--

With time, came the growth of the group dubbed the Investigation Team. Chie, Yukiko, Teddie, Kanji, Rise, and Naoto joined Yosuke and Yu like dominoes, one after the other. Each had their own shadow to get through, their own internal struggles eating them up inside. The one that stuck out the most to Yosuke though, was Naoto. Even before the young detective had been taken into the TV world, Yosuke had noticed something about them. 

He took them aside when they were at the club during the school trip. Their friends and classmates didn’t notice, continuing the King’s Game in their ‘drunken’ haze. With his arms protectively crossed over his chest, Yosuke finally spoke up. “What are you using to bind? ACE bandages aren’t good for your ribs or lungs, so I want to make sure you’re doing it safely.”

Naoto’s face lit up in surprise, unused to being out-sleuthed by anyone. They pulled their hat over their face to hide their growing grateful smile. “It’s fine, senpai. I have a couple of binders that I use. Thank you for checking on me, though.”

At this, Yosuke relaxed. His arms fell slack and his cheeks burned a bright pink. “Anything for a friend, yeah?”

\--

Weeks passed after the group had battled Naoto’s shadow without any other disturbance. They hoped, albeit naïvely, that the killer was done, that they finally had the chance to be the teenagers that they were supposed to be.

Yosuke’s disappearance sparked despair among his friends. How could  _ he _ , the boy who faced his shadow first and saw everyone else’s, be taken back into the TV world?

He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep before the sharp jab by his shadow woke him up. Yosuke could hear the muffled sounds of his friends battling, getting closer to him. For now though, he was alone with himself. 

Around the pair stood the school festival’s crossdressing event. Yosuke felt his stomach lurch with the unwelcome dysphoria the act had caused. His shadow, on the other hand, seemed all too happy with the scene set up for them. “Isn’t it wonderful to finally show everyone the truth? It felt so  _ right _ to be trouncing around in a skirt again. After all, you can’t be a boy and like boys at the same time, right?” The shadow skipped around its human counterpart before leaning down. “You have a choice: one or the other. You can’t be a boy and want to hold hands with a boy. You can’t be a boy and want to  _ kiss _ a boy.”

“No, no that isn’t…” Yosuke’s mouth went dry as he tried to crawl backwards.  _ I can’t choose between two parts of  _ me, he thought, flinching as the doors to the room burst open.

“Yosuke!” Yu was the first one to react, lunging forward to get an attack on the shadow.

He was too late though, as the shadow grabbed Yosuke by his jacket collar and jumped away, giggling. “Look who it is! The knight in shining armor is here to save the damsel in distress. Poor little princess Yosuke fell into yet another trap.” The shadow’s voice became high-pitched, twisting into one akin to a girl’s.

Yosuke fought to free himself from the tight grip, shaking his head furiously. “No! No, he- it isn’t like that!”

“You’re right. There’s no chance that he could even  _ begin _ to like a faker like you, huh? Yu likes the truth. He will do anything to have it, even if it’s leaving his best friend, a  _ liar _ .” The thud that resounded from Yosuke being dropped echoed throughout the theater. “He doesn’t want to hold your hand or cuddle with you or anything that _ you _ want. Just tell the truth for once, yeah?”

“I’m not faking anything!” Yosuke pleaded, taking laborious breaths. “I don’t want any of that! I… I don’t…”

“But you can’t be a boy and like boys. Be a straight boy or a straight girl. Make your choice. Either way, you can’t like someone the same gender as you.” It was his mom’s voice this time. Spoken word for word from when she caught him kissing his friend. The memories that came with the taunt broke the final string in Yosuke.

Ignoring the begging and shouting from his friends, Yosuke clasped his hands over his ears and screamed. “That isn’t me. You’re not me!”

In a flash, the shadow transformed. What was once a teenager was now a twisted version of the Magician’s persona. It had the same appearance as the first time it appeared, but had strengthened over time as its use as Jiraiya had increased.

The Investigation Team wasted no time in attacking the dark mass, securing time for Yosuke to gather his thoughts.

Naoto spoke up first, the exchange that they had with Yosuke a few weeks before moving them before they made a decision to. “Yosuke, you are still a guy. How you feel… how you  _ really _ are isn’t something that can be changed so simply.” Their voice was almost drowned out by the sound of the battle raging on. “If it’s true for me, then it’s true for you, too.”

“Yeah, Yosuke-senpai! If you were faking being a guy, then there’s no way you would’ve kept it up for that long. Being something you’re not gets tiring after awhile,” Rise added. Her words were clear thanks to Himiko.

Kanji was the last to comfort the brunet, his embarrassment holding him back for almost too long. “Senpai, there’s nothing wrong with being a guy and liking guys. I… I know it’s scary and weird to others, but who gives a damn what they think! Do what makes  _ you _ happy!”

With one last powerful shot from Konohana Sakuya, Yosuke’s shadow was returned to its former state. Even as it flickered in and out of sight, the girl-like appearance was enough for Yosuke to feel sick all over again. However, it wasn’t enough to stop him from approaching his shadow.

He paused, looking just over his own left ear in an attempt to not see how he was  _ supposed _ to look like according to his mom. Swallowing hard, he stuck his hand out to his double. “I like guys. Shoving that down and ignoring it won’t make it go away or disappear. I’m a guy who likes guys and if my mom doesn’t like that,” he licked his lips nervously, “then  _ she _ can deal with it. How I feel is how I  _ am _ . You’re me, and I’m you.”

The shadow smiled before returning to its Jiraiya form. Then Yosuke was out, barely being caught by Yu before things faded away. 

\--

When Yosuke woke next, he was gasping for air and in a room he didn’t recognize immediately. Without even thinking about it, he hurried to take off his binder. Free to breathe again, he clutched the fabric in his hands as he looked around.

The room he was in was neat. Objects organized into their own specific categories. Origami cranes filled shelves next to the TV, a hobby Yosuke instantly recognized as Yu.

Yosuke slid out of the futon he was placed on, a blush creeping into his cheeks when he thought about  _ whose _ futon it was. He placed the binder on the desk before crossing his arms over his chest, heading for the door. Yu was cooking dinner if the smell was anything to go by. That meant that Nanako was likely in the living room, waiting.

He felt his heart pound in his chest. This wasn’t the first time he hadn’t worn his binder, but now Yu knew. It was anxiety-inducing in the least.

Before Yosuke could decide if he wanted to go out, the door opened and Nanako blinked up at him. “Oh, Yosuke-nii! Big Bro told me to check up on you. Did you want to come eat with us?” Her excitement was enough to move Yosuke to nod. She spoke freely about her day as they walked together, but Yosuke couldn’t concentrate enough on what she was saying to respond adequately.

Yu was the most accepting out of all their friends, Yosuke knew this. He knew it, but still his anxiety lingered.  _ What if he misgenders me? What if he tries to do something now that he knows? What if he agrees with my mom? _

Settling at the table with Nanako, Yosuke drew his knees to his chest. If Nanako noticed anything, she didn’t say anything, but instead began singing to the Junes theme song. The normalcy seemed fragile to the brunet, as if it was to be shattered as soon as Yu came into the room.

Almost as if summoned by the mere thought of him, Yu entered the room, setting plates of curry down on the table. Yosuke’s stomach turned at the sight of his favorite food. His first thought was that it was out of pity, his second was that it was for comfort. He didn’t know which it actually was, perhaps a combination of both.

Yosuke didn’t dare try to look at Yu’s, fearing what lied in the gaze of his best friend. Resentment, disgust, anger, pity; the worst emotions Yosuke expected continued to pile up.

Staying silent failed to fly past Nanako’s sensors, her whispers loud enough for Yosuke to hear. “Is Yosuke-nii okay, Big Bro? He’s barely said a thing.” Terror crept up his throat at the thought of the slew of words Yu could use.

“Yosuke is… he’s not feeling well at the moment,” Yu said back. Yosuke could feel his grey eyes focusing on him as he ate the curry. 

Nanako gently hit her hand against the table. “Then we have to nurse him back to health! That’s the only solution to this problem.”

The sentiment made Yosuke’s heart swell and clench almost simultaneously. His breathing started to come up short, a panic attack bleeding in around the edges.

It was then that Yu finally touched him, a soft and grounding touch to his hand. “It’s okay, Yosuke. You don’t have to finish eating if you’re still tired.” He was giving Yosuke a way out, a way to escape the self-placed walls that were closing in on him. 

Licking his lips, Yosuke nodded. “Hey, Nana-chan, can you walk me back to Yu’s room? I don’t know if I can get there on my own.”

Her support was instant and even more grounding. She whispered healing remedies and other helpful things as they walked, her hand tight around Yosuke’s. 

It felt like forever until Yu was able to join Yosuke on his futon. He was still unable to meet his best friend’s eyes, instead picking at the blanket spread over Yu’s temporary bed.

Yu did nothing to break the silence, instead giving Yosuke as much time as he needed to gather his thoughts. On one hand, it was appreciated, but on the other it was fear-inducing.  _ Why doesn’t he just tell me how he feels about it already? The wait is killing me! _ Yosuke thought. 

He knew that Yu was too quiet and patient and just… overall knowing of how Yosuke reacted to things to speak first though. So Yosuke took a deep breath and started the conversation. “Do… are we still best friends?” He asked, voice cracking with insecurity.

Yu didn’t answer for a moment, and Yosuke snuck a peek to see that the boy was stunned speechless. Prepared for the worst, the brunet brought his knees up to his chest. 

“I… of course we’re still best friends, partner. Seeing your shadow again won’t change that. Neither does it outing you like that change it,” Yu said confidently. “You are Yosuke. Yosuke who I help give answers to in class or give lunch to when he forgets his.”

Yosuke felt himself blush, and he hid his face in his knees. The silence returned, but less strained than it was before. Seconds ticked by before Yosuke resumed his questioning. “And… and the romantic shit? How…” He couldn’t finish, fear silencing him.

A sharp inhale escaped Yu. Yosuke’s eyes clenched shut.  _ Please don’t let my anxiety be true. _ “I do… I do like you. A lot,” Yu stuttered, his voice shaking with nerves. “But I know that you probably need time to still fully accept everything and to stand up to your mom, so I’m willing to wait-”

Yosuke didn’t let him finish. As soon as he soaked in the full meaning of Yu’s words, he was latched onto the other. He leaned in close, hesitating, giving Yu a moment to back out if he wanted to. “Can I kiss you?”

The answer was immediate as Yu closed the small space between the two. Yosuke’s eyes fluttered closed with a sigh. It wasn’t spectacular in the sense of fireworks, but it was perfect in the way that they were meant to fit together. Each touch was lingering, breathtaking, exactly how it was supposed to feel. 

Now straddling Yu, Yosuke buried his face in his friend- boyfriend’s?- neck. “I never thought that I would be able to do this. It’s… overwhelming, I guess. In a good way!” He groaned at his amazing ability to stick his foot in his mouth. “Out of all the people you could’ve fallen for, you picked me, the idiot with a big mouth.”

Yu chuckled, pressing a kiss to Yosuke’s shoulder before resting his head on it. “Yeah, but what other idiot had a shadow come back because he wanted to hold my hand?”

Yosuke responded with a sharp jab to Yu’s side, grateful that his face was hidden so his redness couldn’t be poked at either. “Oh, shut up.”

Chuckling, Yu adjusted the duo so they were laying down on his futon. “Only since you asked so nicely,” he said. Letting the silence take over for a moment, he began running his hand through the shorter boy’s hair. It was enough to make Yosuke feel sleepy again. Here, in the arms of the boy he loved, safe and protected from sneers, he dozed off.

**Author's Note:**

> *youtuber voice* be sure to like, comment, rate, subscribe. comment below if you have a request
> 
> jakglnsdj anyway hmu @ my tumblr (kermeme) if u want to yell about souyo with someone. or yu. i love yu so much holy shit


End file.
